I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
