god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
