I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
