I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
