Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
