and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
