we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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