So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
