my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize