im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
