You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
