member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
