It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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