Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
