I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
