You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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