Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize