I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
