ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
