in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
