I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
