I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
