i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
