i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
