What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
