go do what you do best...puke behind churches
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
