so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
