I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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