Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
