what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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