where am i from again
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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