You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
this will be a night to untag.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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