we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
