worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize