I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
