I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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