nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
