obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
