I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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