already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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