I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
