Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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