There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There's always time for handjobs
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
