Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
