Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
