I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
