Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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