is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
