your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
