He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
