what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
