There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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