I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
