I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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