i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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