4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
