i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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