I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
