hotel room ftw
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
