I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
