I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
