New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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