Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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