I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it was like eating out sand paper
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
