pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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