seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I cut my penus on the lid.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
