Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
