and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
