Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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