Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
